The third degree

This girl read Luna’s post today on potentially involving a third person and it just got her thinking of her own recent thoughts on this subject, because she has a couple of mixed thoughts on it. This girl and Grimly are not, and would never be on the look out for a regular ‘third’, though someone else to play with on an occasional basis for purely a bit of bdsm fun might be interesting and have tonnes of possibilities.  Though the number of people willing to have a play date no strings attached (and no sex) are pretty remote, especially when they realise that there is normally significant travel involved to get here.

Grimly & this girl don’t want to have sex with other people, and this girl certainly doesn’t want a ‘sister slave’ to share him with. There’s nothing wrong with that of course and suits so many people, but no, her Dom is not for sharing long term!

Part of the reason for that, is at present she only sees him on limited occasions anyway, so to think that someone else might be there each time would get irritating. Maybe this girl is just too territorial!

Her ex had this whole fantasy thing of having a third person involved regularly, living in.

He sold this to her on the basis of this person would do the things she didn’t want to do. Like housework (!), watersports, being whored out (a fantasy of his) and other activities that this girl objected to. With hindsight the whole notion of that doesn’t seem very fair -expecting someone else to get your d/s leftovers! It wouldn’t be fair on them.

This whole thing is about fantasy, and any one coming into the situation has to get an equal opportunity to get their fantasies met too, and how many women would actually want that anyway – to be the one who gets what someone else has refused to do.

This girl agreed to it at the time, in principle, though her heart was never in it. There were a couple of times when her ex did things with other girls and it hurt, it hurt to think of him with someone else. It got to the point too when he encouraged her to swing so he would get more opportunities with other women and she never really was up for that either, but she didn’t want to risk losing him so she tried it with men that she really wasn’t remotely attracted to and it just repulsed her in the end.

The problem really was that it wasn’t what she wanted, but because he did she went along with it, because she hoped if she did that she might get what she wanted in return, but in the end she didn’t.

This girl thinks for any sort of third/poly relationship to work then all the parties need to really be comfortable with it, want it, and have it as an integral part of what their BDSM is all about. If thats not the case then is it really going to have a chance of working?

Its not something this girl would want as part of her BDSM again. 

The reason why her relationship with Grimly works so well is because she feels she *is* his fantasy, she doesn’t constantly feel as though he wants/needs more, she’s made to feel special and she just would not want to do anything to risk feeling that way. Both this girl and Grimly feel as though they have the perfect kinky partner, so it just seems right not to involve anyone else who might alter the balance.

However, there are times and scenarios where having someone else about would make things interesting during play, and certainly there are enough possibilities in the playroom for either this girl and Grimly to co top, or for him to torment two people at once. It could be a lot of fun, especially given the clinic theme, it would be nice to have patients visiting for ‘treatment’.

So of course it just depends whether anyone out there is compatible and has that fantasy! It needs to be about compatibility and mutual fantasy, there’s no point otherwise as Grimly & this girl would not want to take advantage of anyone but to give them a really fantastical experience to remember.

If anything happens it would only be after a lot of communication, sharing ideas and a full understanding of expectations from all sides involved. So….watch this space who knows.

Though probably…most people are too easily scared! 😉





2 thoughts on “The third degree

  1. Thanks so much for your thoughts on this subject. They are certainly something to think about.

    One that that my Master and I disagree about with your thoughts is that the other would get the BDSM leftovers. That really wouldn’t be the case if what you wouldn’t do (or don’t like) are the very things that drive this other person. So they’d be getting exactly what they want and need, just like you.

    The thought of having a third does feel somewhat of a threat if he was considering a girl but I feel somewhat relieved that he would like to maybe have a male submissive in from time to time. Not exactly sure why, but that’s the way it is for me.

  2. Hi Luna thanks for your comments, I wasn’t saying it would be the BDSM leftovers with you two, but that it was how it was ‘sold’ to me by my ex.

    He said ‘i’ll find someone that will do xyz, so you wont have to’ – to get me to consent to the possiblity, ok, maybe someone MIGHT have existed that would have gone for that…..and been totally happy with it …but based on what he was looking for i have my doubts that he would have ever found it someone who was happy to be our maid, suck his cock every day, drink his piss and be whored out for money -because thats what he wanted ‘her’ to do!

    I guess i don’t ‘get’ what drives the third person. I myself would not feel comfortable joining into a dynamic with a well established Dom & sub. I know there are people that do, and some seem happy and have their needs met by both the other people involved…but i just cant get my head round it. I can as far as play goes (and have) but to be part of a regular D/s interraction/relationship I just am wary of the green eyed monster.

    I think the problem is me. I’m monogomous really. I’ve tried not being, at one point i was sort of involved on various emotional levels with a couple of people – my ex, Grimly as my Dom (not sexually) and a female sub that I played with independently of any men (she was gay) and it just got confusing, though that might have partly been the fact that Grimly was the right one for me the whole time and enough for it to be just him exclusively.

    For me i’ve found BDSM /D/s love, all the lot, work best when I just have the one right person, maybe thats a bit simplistic but it works for us, i dont want to share what i’ve fought for. What i’ve established and developed, and I mean that on a psychological and emotional level.

    As far as ‘play’ goes just sort of physical interaction its different, I know Grimly & i could give someone an amazing experience with our little corner of kink as part of a lasting friendship but i think thats as far as i can take involving others.

    I’m not saying poly/regular other subs and Doms is wrong, far from it infact, loads of people seem to do it in a really healthy way and I always like reading about their experiences to get a better idea of how it works…its just not me I guess.

    I want to show off what we can do and I want people to experience that and have fun with it, but ultimately I still want it to be me thats always his no1.

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