Cyber cheating

Ok.

This girl doesnt cyber much these days. She used to do it a lot when she first got an interest in BDSM, because that was before she knew how to find good Doms that would do deviously interesting things to her body. She used to do the whole playing with herself and torturing herself while camming thing too.

Since she’s been with her Dom though she’s not needed to do that. There’s not been any spare sexual energy that shes been confused as to where to direct.

But today she was horny. So she did it. She cybered with someone. Is that cheating?

She told her Dom about it after. She felt guilty really. He made her feel guilty too – so she feels pretty bad for doing it, as after it was done it wasnt even really satisfying at all and she shouldnt have needed to even think about doing it. Maybe it was satisfying for the guy on the other end…but that’s his business.

She feels bad that she even thought about doing it because she has this great Dom that she is seeing in a few days. She needs more self- control. Her Master is the only Dom she wants, she needs to be patient and wait until she can see him and indulge her fantasies properly. She feels ashamed she did this.

So what should the punishment for this be?

Suggestions welcomed.

The reason why cyber sex is maybe not a good idea :-

14 thoughts on “Cyber cheating

  1. When I got caught online with a Dom after I knew it was one of my rules I had the computer taken away for a month, no furniture for 2 weeks and no bed privileges for a week. Boy was he mad and I’ve never done it since. He said it was disrespectful and I lost all trust in him for a time.

    I remember that for months afterward I couldn’t do anything without him questioning what I was doing, where I was going and who I was with. Ouch.

    I’ll never do that again.

    –luna

  2. Hi Luna. I suppose i feel annoyed at myself at doing it when I normally say ‘cyber is a waste of time, the real thing is worth waiting for’ and its true real bdsm knocks the socks off it everytime.

    I’m not really sure what his reaction is at the moment, whether he is actually genuinely mad or whether he’s just playing a mind game on me. I think probably its a mind game he has a pretty warped sense of humour – in a good way. He’s good too at making the punishment fit the crime. He wont take my computer away though or anything like that he likes reading my worries too much LOL.

    It is bad though allowing myself to be used for the sexual gratification of another man though, when I should just be his and his alone! As thats what i agreed and want to be! xx

  3. Of course I do!! I just want to see what other ideas there are and whether any other Doms or subs can be as cruel to you as I might be 🙂

  4. Obviously she knew what she was doing was wrong…and she did it anyway. Remedial Training is needed in this case in my opinion. Back to basics. No BDSM at all, she’d like that too much on some level regardless of how long you kept that ass cherry red.

    Stick with straight M/s, D/s stuff. Back into a colar 24/7 if she is not already. If she is downgrade the colar to a real dog colar from a pet store. Put her on a leash. Take away her IM, not her computer, just IM privleged. It will be a constant remind in the corner of her desktop of her transgression. it sounds like she likes to IM as well, nice little temptation there as well that she will have to mentally remind herself to not use.

    If she is anything like my pet ignoring her except for direct commands and pleasuring yourself will do all the punishment for you. The withdrawl of your loving side should make her go crazy to obey to have that sunshine return to her life.

    If the cyber session actually made her cum, satisfying or not, I would tease her mercilessly every time I used her for my pleasure…but never let her climax. She should beg for your permission to cum. But don’t let her. Make her control her sexual urges. When you feel she is finally back in the right frame of mind you can begin to ease up once again at your discretion.

  5. dearest this-girl,

    Well, i don’t want to come off as judgmental but i have a strong reaction to this. Alot of course has to do w/ how long you have been a slave (to your Master) and how your Master or Dom chooses to define the relationship.

    What bothers me is the comment from luna in which she relates her own experience with camming with a Dom while involved with another Dom — she writes here, “He said it was disrespectful and I lost all trust in him for a time. I remember that for months afterward I couldn’t do anything without him questioning what I was doing, where I was going and who I was with. Ouch.”

    sHE lost all trust IN HIM? Funny. Something sounds backward to me. And “ouch” in response to Him monitoring her, especially after she, yes, in essence, “cheated”? Good God, on top of all this, i LIVE for a tight leash! i mean, i guess if its kink or bedroom play, that is different but otherwise, something is off-kilter here. How can you NOT think that its on the sly to get-it-on w/ someone else, EVEN via cyber?

    But then, just like a child’s parent is to blame when a child is ill-mannered, so too is the Master responsible for the behavior of the slave.

    Again, i don’t know exactly the relationship — is it early on? — has it been acknowledged that the sub is still interacting w/ other Doms in a provocative fashion? Has the Dom set any parameters or is it a free for all? Its up to the Dominant to establish the expectations and it seems to me a supreme pleasure to follow them to a t.

    Well, who knows. Maybe i’m just old-fashioned. *S* Just know, you need not feel badly if it was in ignorance and a lesson has been learned. This is how we grow. *S*

    Kind regards!
    s2bh.
    http://www.dungeon-love.com

  6. Thanks for your comments

    Sentry – he wont punish me by not playing with me its not his style, because that way he misses out on doing the things he wants too as well. I dont think its *possible* for him to withdraw his loving side either, its part of who is. dont get me wrong he can be strict and extremely sadistic, but unloving ?? no. Orgasm control though is something he enjoys, I cant cum unless he commands so no i didnt cum from the cyber, and he does often use controlling when i can cum as a lesson.

    Slave2beholed – we’ve been together about 2 years, i know i shouldnt have done it and pretty ashamed of it, but then I do not associate it as the same as physically playing with others or having sex with them – or at least I didnt until i got his reaction and that of others. Unfortunately we live apart so sometimes its difficult, and I suppose it was just a really bad attention seeking stunt.

    I suppose i’m still learning how to be the submissive he wants me to be, and sometimes i lose sight of it or slip up, i’m human after all, but then, i really shouldn’t. I dont want to let him down I want him to be proud of me. Which i think for the most part he is, I think sometimes I just frustrate him! So i’m going to try harder but then i’m probably going to be shown i have to! *S* I really do have the best Dom that i could possibly get so its only fair i make myself the best sub for him, which I intend to.

  7. Thanks for the comments so far, I have decided on a course of action which involves going back to basics. I don’t want to give too much away before she gets here but by the end of this weekend “this girl” should be under no illusions as to what is expected of her and what she can and cant get away with. As well as the cyber incident there are a few other issues to be addressed and dealt with. I wont ever stop loving her but she is about to find out the meaning of “tough love”. You will al be able to read about what happens when she blogs next week.

    Grimly

  8. I think your statement that you did not know it would be inappropriate is very telling. I think Sentry’s suggestion of back-to-basics is appropriate. For me…if I ever did something so disrespectful? I’d have to earn that collar back, as that would be the first thing he would do. I’d have to earn the right to refer to myself as his. Knowing that is a big motivator for behaving.

    I wish you the best.

  9. Thanks for your comments blush.

    I fucked up and totally admit that. I’m an idiot! I just didnt think about the consequences at the time or his feelings, and I dont think I expected I would feel this ashamed about it, but, tomorrow’s another day and I will have a chance to make it up to him. xx

  10. let me rephrase regarding the withdrawl of his “loving” side. What I am referring to is the simple day to day contact and or little “moments” you have on a regular basis when you have done something small but right. For instance, when my pet has raised my ire or simply is looking for additional attention she will ocassionally crawl up to me and place her head in my lap looking to have her hair stroked.(she got the idea from our 2 dogs who will ocassionally do the same and I have a tendency to absent mindedly pet them, and her, when they do this)She knows I find it to be a cute gesture. If she had dones something of this magnitude she may well try this trick to get on my good side. This is what I am referring to. Giving into or allowing this type of behaviour on your part to down play the seriousness of the transgression. Of course he could not completely withdrawl his love, that is absurd and it was inappropriate to suggest or imply. What I am saying is, this is a test in mental fortitude for your Dom as well.

    I applaud him for taking you back to basics.

  11. NO!! I don’t think you’re an idiot at all. I’m sorry if that’s the way my comment came across? What I meant to say (and should have expanded with) is that you need to know what is expected. To you, it did not at all seem to be inappropriate or misbehaving. That was obvious from your post.

    From discussions with my Sir, I know what would happen if I were to do such a thing. How do I know? Because it’s been discussed. He’s drawn the lines around me and shown me what he considers good (or naughty) behavior. I wouldn’t dare cross them without accepting the consequences.

    It’s obvious that he loves you very much. And as you said, every day is a new one.

    Again, I’m sorry if my words read so negative. And I really do wish you the best.

  12. Sentry – oh yes he has plenty of ideas on what to do about this, and I know what you’re referring to, but he is good at being determined and not being ‘persuased off his decided course of action’ despite how I might try and convince him otherwise! I suppose part of the issue is our relationship started as S/m – based on him wowing me with his creative & sadistic talents, and then D/s gradually crept into it but is something we are both working out still how it works for us. I”m ashamed to say sometimes I think i take him for granted, I had a crappy relationship for so long before finding him and he is perfect for me, and I’m not as perfect for him and I feel bad about that.

    Blush – no i’m not saying you said i was an idiot. I think that myself. Because really i should have know that his reaction would be this way because we’ve been together quite a while now. I did know it was wrong really I just chose to ignore that fact at the time. So he’ll remind me of what he expects of me. I just feel bad that he *has* to.

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