Recently this girl bought her Master some new canes – including this one which is pretty beastly.
Most of the toys this girl’s Master has are easily bendable to either pleasure or pain and punishment as required. However there are some implements that you just *know* are for thing only and the cane is an example . There’s pain that feels good and pain that is just sore, unpleasurable and agony. Most of the physical S&M play this girl does with her Master is ultimately fun and although can be painful (she is a masochist after all) generally is rewarding and pleasurable on the whole. She gets the sensations she needs and the feeling of being controlled – he gets the control and the power to do to her body and mind as he wishes. That works and really the S/m blends into the D/s and mental and emotional side of things quite nicely.
Mostly this girl’s Dom has allowed her submisison to develop gradually with subtle encouragement here and there but lately he has been suggesting more immediate methods of encouragement. Like doing things that will make her suffer to punish her.
This girl wonders if its wrong that her Dom should feel the need to correct her this way, whether there is something wrong with her submission to make him want to go down this route. Though really deep down she knows he is happy with her, he just wants her behaviour to improve a bit and give her something to think about as a future deterrent. Its part of the power exhange in a way – him knowing that he can punish and humiliate her – and this girl knowing that. A lot of their BDSM is about mutual fantasies being explored but BDSM easily also has the capability of being for punishment, deterrent and to show who is in control – who is pressing the buttons.
This girl just needs to remind herself of that.
She needs to remind herself that when she accepted his collar she accepted him being in control of her body,mind and behaviour. Ok – so a lot of the time he will choose not to exercise that control but that doesn’t mean it isnt there in the background and wont be acted upon when it suits him to do so.
So to illustrate this he will inflict the punishment she has recently earnt which (so far) is 37 strokes of the cane. This girl is hoping she will not have racked up more before she next sees him! Ok so you might not think that is very much but when you are being caned by someone who knows your tolerance very well and wants you on the brink of it then it is. This girl is not exactly looking forward to it. Yes it is deserved but it is not welcomed!
This girl wonders if people exist who are instantly perfectly submissive. It seems very unlikely. So really learning and correction is in some ways a natural part of the progress towards maybe not being perfect but being closer to it. Knowing a strong dose of correction is daunting but if in the end it leads to things getting better it might be worth it.
Ok so this girl bought that cane.
This shows maybe that deep down somewhere she wants that encouragement to do better, that she wants to be corrected and wants to learn how to accept his control and dominance with better grace and submission. That she wants to get rid of the brat even!
Ok so you could argue if you know how you want to be why not just be it? Fair point, but then, would it be as much fun, or as rewarding, or as meaningful? This girl does want to submit to him but she wants him to know that its because he deserves her to and that its because he makes her what she is.
That she wouldnt be this way for anyone else.