Excitement v Apprehension

This girl’s Master has been making a lot of new toys recently, some of which sound quite daunting yet enjoyable and erotic at the same time.

Its a really weird sensation being apprehensive of something yet longing for it to happen simultaneously.

This girl supposes that it is natural in some ways to feel this way when it comes to erotic pain, to masochism. She’s wondered quite a lot lately whether she can really be defined as a masochist when she enjoys most of the things he does to her. OK so a masochist does enjoy pain, but then how can it really be pain if its within for the most part, her tolerance and her fantasy? Yes he pushes that and probably her tolerance of certain things has increased over time, but she always enjoys what he does and always orgasms from it, so it is really pain, or suffering which is supposedly the ‘point’ of masochism?

A lot of things her Master does to her certainly makes this girl uncomfortable and occasionally on the verge of suffering, or frustration – like the other week when he had her on the pony with her tits tied and the ballet boots on, or when he has her tied so tightly with the fuck machine going , or having her strapped in the dentist chair with nearly every electrode possible stuck on or inserted in her body- do those things count? ๐Ÿ˜‰

If you define what is pain by a normal person’s defintion, maybe 70 or 80% or so (guessing) of the population would find those activities painful or distressing and a certain percentage of BDSM people might as well. Its not really about how much you can take though its about how much you enjoy it and how much it turns you both on.

Sometimes this girl does want to take more though. It goes back to the whole pride thing and sometimes she feels like she needs to prove it to herself that she can do it and that desire for ‘more’. There have been times when she & her Master have played where her body has let her down, for instance, cramp or nausea and she’s needed to stop and also times when her big mouth has made her complain about things when she’s not really needed to and thrown him out of his headspace by doing so.

Remembering trust and communication in all of this is really important, because if that is there then the play should work.

Its scary to admit it, but this girl really wants him to push her even more. There would be Doms where it might be dangerous to wish for more as the worry might be there that they might just go to far, but she knows he wouldnt. Is it fair to put that pressure on him to ask him to judge that? Of course it would be enjoyable for him too. When you play with someone regularly they can read your body well enough. She’s learnt in the past the mistake of telling a stranger to play hard. The results arent good. This girl really cant get into that right headspace unless she can totally trust the Dom – and she does.

She really wants a weekend of being able to accept/take whatever he wants to do to her, no matter how difficult that might be. No bratiness. Ok sure, sometimes he likes a challenge and fire and she’ll still be that but just not overly so. Ok, so she cant guarantee it will be the next time, as this week is shaping up to be a potentially stressful one for normal real-life reasons, but she hopes it can as it would be really good. She wonders if she is wishing for the right thing here (knowing the git will read it it can often be dangerous to write her mind – as he will take it a serious request no doubt) but then it comes back to really wanting it, yet being apprehensive and nervous that it might hurt …hopefully . LOL

So far he’s recently made things similar to an electric pony, a spreader bar thingy a muzzle and some more breath-control stuff. That’s just the things he’s told her about. That and she’s been stupid to buy him something that he can hurt her with as well (which really given all that wasnt really necessary)

Well so would you be worried or excited? This girl really is confused!

2 thoughts on “Excitement v Apprehension

  1. i am not kidding, i was going to write on this very same topic today…hmmm
    i go between both, excited & apprehensive, but apprehension seems to be more about wanting control, so quelling those feelings/thoughts is an exercise is letting go of that. and yes, stay away from the toy stores if you’re just going to buy devices of torture, you silly muffin.

    : )

  2. heehehe but Mitda i cant help it i’m like a kid a toy shop…as a child i did the same i would harrass my mum for toys and then get bored of them after a week and cast them aside. I was always more interested in the things she made me out of boxes than the things that came from the toyshop.

    I suppose my problem now is not totally disimilar i am more interested in the things that he makes me since more thought has gone into its creation, than me just looking at an idea of something and thinking i want that i’m going to get it (tho at the back of my mind with bdsm toys of course is the problem of do i really want to play with it as it might hurt ) lol.

    oh dear it is a dangerous thing getting what you deserve ๐Ÿ˜‰

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