A Reply to a comment on my last blog as really the reply to the question is too long to just be a comment!
This girl thinks that if a D/s relationship is going to last it has to at some point get to the real life stage. Cyber relationships may have some limited fun but when your love is BDSM…lets face it…the physical is really what we all want. Whether its play…sex…romance…interraction. BDSM is a shared activity and so is D/s.
This girl also thinks that being able to prove you are ‘real’ relatively quickly into an ‘interest with someone’ is crucial, whether it be by cam, by phone, by referral to other people that know you or all of the above.
Is it worth meeting someone? This girl cant answer that question its one of these things that you dont know until you do it! With most of her experiences though she would say yes.
However, the following tips might help things :
1. SAFETY CALL – have a safety call, a friend to call you to check all is well. Or at the very minimum of way of someone else knowing where you are and who you are with.
2. WHERE TO MEET? WHAT TO DO? – its probably best to meet somewhere public, and if its suitable maybe make this at mutually suitable fetish event – makes it a good night out still if you end up not getting on!
. This girl has done both methods of meeting and playing straight away and also meeting someone at a fetish event and playing at a later date. The second was the more succesful (in the long term) but that doesnt mean to say its right for everyone. If you want to play/fuck on the first date do it! Though really, it possibly helps to check someone out first before making that kind of commitment to actually do certain activites/sex. This girl has met someone with play and sex pre-agreed and so it felt when the meet happened that it was hard to back out of. She wanted it though at the time and well, there was a certain humiliation and sexual kick from doing it…but with hindsight its maybe not best. This girl thinks that its best to be able to meet someone, be able to have a breather to check you really want to go further and discuss mutual fantasies and then go for it at a later date (even if thats just the next day! lol). Its sort of the idea of you do you really respect someone who puts out on the first date?
First play (whether this is at the same time as the meeting or another time) – communication is the key. Whats ok. Whats not ok. This girl used to always find it hard to communicate (as a sub) what she wanted. So when she asked people from a dominant point of view she tried to ask them leading questions to establish this and get them talking about their fantasies. Really communication is the best way of making sure both people get what they want. Also there’s certain activities (for this girl it would be things like breath play) that you might not want to do with someone the first time, and not until trust is built into the relationship by experimenting with milder activities first. This is based on it being private play, club play well, playing with someone at a club with other people about is going to be limited anyway and there is other people there if anything were to go wrong, but still communication is very important.
So is it worth taking the step? Yes of course! (unless you have any concerns that the person is an abuser,axe-murderer,rapist,thief or has a small dick or an unimaginative mind. lol.
This girl wrote about her first meeting with her Dom here and first play here and really both the initial meeting and the first play were good signs that there was rapport there, friendship, signs of mutual fantasy…all things that suggested something good would happen. So yes its worth it!
This girl feels she went about things with her Dom the right way round. Met in a comfortable environment, she knew other people who knew him that could vouch for him…and the first play was fun, explored a lot and didnt put her under any pressure to shag him. In fact, it was several months into the play relationship before sex came into it, and it was so much better for that, for having everything building up to it, to know it was right, that it was making love to her Master and not a cheap shag with a wannabe.
You cant expect to have perfect D/s and perfect BDSM the first time you meet. The first meet is in a way an insight into that person in a way like an interview where you are both the interviewee and the interviewer, its a tester to see if its likely to work, or at least to see if you want to take it further but it takes patience and hard work to get to something as good as what this girl has with her Dom. There’s no recipe for instant sub or Dom (unless maybe you pay for it and well thats not the same!) So why cheapen it…try and go for a blend of taking things at the pace that suits you but also remember and seize the day.