The art of conversation has never been one of this girl’s best skills or qualities. Part of this will have been instilled from her family drilling into her ‘dont say anything unless its something nice’ combined with an inherent natural shyness! Although saying that being a northern girl that isn’t to say this girl doesn’t say whats on her mind at times…its just usually at the wrong time and too damn blunt! Honesty is important though right? lol
Anyway it used to drive this girl’s Master nuts that she’s never really been that good at communicating things to him after play, thats not to say she cant communicate with him of course she can, and she’s not shy around people that she knows well but sometimes she just doesnt find it easy to talk about things to do with BDSM & more so with D/s when the opportunity to go on act on it afterwards is there in her face. In a way sometimes writing it down here helps that it seems sometimes easier to just splurge it out than actually sit in front of him and say it to him. Yes this girl knows thats a bit daft! Because, well in a way this blog is a communication tool and sometimes if something is written it makes better sense too the second time it is read whereas if its spoken then its only stated once lol.
So this girl can sometimes find it difficult to give feedback after play, other than things along the lines of ‘thats good, i enjoyed that’ etc. and sometimes probably he deserves more than that . Although it was more important really in the early days when he didnt know her as well and needed to ask -nowadays probably a smug look is enough for him!
Its also hard for this girl sometimes to verbally admit what she wants from BDSM & D/s but then really its not that complicated and he has it well worked out.
Sometimes she wonders if she wants more and whether or not she should ask for it.
From the BDSM point of view, this girl sometimes thinks maybe she wants/needs more physically – thats not to say what he is doing is wrong its just she thinks she wants a higher level of it but then she’s reluctant to make that obvious to him (duh too late now!) in case she’s wrong and its too much, but then really thats a stupid thought because this girl’s master can tell where her tolerance is usually and when not to push so there is nothing to be scared of in that respect, so really he just needs to push harder than he has been. Its not any failing on him that he hasnt recently more the opposite, vanilla circumstances this year ave probably taken a lot out of this girl and her Master and she knows he’s just been cautious to avoid upsetting or hurting her and he has really cared for her and looking after her through a lot of crap and she knows he will always look after her. This is really this girls way of saying its ok to step it up. Its sort of a bit of the masochistic pride and egotism coming back too now that things are a bit more settled…what is it with masochistics wanting to prove they can take it 😉 lol. Yes yes this girl has an ego too but then there is not really anything wrong with wanting to be good at what you do and she’s wanting to prove to him that she is a good masochist but then yes a good submissive also.
And thats the next point, she *does* want to be more submissive to him and Master has readily picked up this and sent this girl to ‘slave school’ recently (which she’ll probably write about seperately) so things with that are going well.
There are times though when this girl talks too much. The other week she is ashamed to say she complained about things when Master was playing with her and probably unneccesarily, she doesnt know why she did that possibly nerves but then she doesnt know why she would be nervous around him, in some ways this girl thinks because of things being put on a back burner recently she might have confidence issues and sometimes therefore can get a bit nervy when she’s doing something new but its a just a matter really then of trying to be more relaxed again and that is definately coming back.
On the theme of the post this girl does like interrogation style scenarios and being coerced into saying things with his cruel and unusual torture methods which is a fantasy that stems from liking history at school and Robin hood and that sort of thing lol (although this girl doesnt like the BBC series thats on at the moment its naff! and doesnt show any torture lol) again this is probably a masochist thing..trying to withstand it. The pain that is, not the Beebs portrayal of the Sherriff of Nottingham! That can be dangerous though because sometimes the temptation can be strong to hold on longer than is possibly *that point* and thus puts the ending of the scene more in the sub’s hands than the doms (to a certain extent at least!) It might be interesting to try that again though sometimes, for him to keep turning it up until this girl ‘has’ to tell him to stop or slow down. A bit like a safe word but with a point to it and kind of disguised. This girl doesnt have a safe word really, but then she doesnt need one she’s never felt the need to tell him to stop (apart from once when two electrodes connected and shocked her clit quite harsh but that wasnt really a safeword that was a very big scream lol)
This girl is lucky in that she has a Master who can read her well she just wants him to know that he’s ok to go a bit further and lucky too that he cares to have read all this bloody waffle cluttered on the internet………
…..Oh yes and lucky that he has a rack 😉 Says it all really, sometimes images speak louder than words, and shy subbies!