The internet and BDSM & D/s

In a way this post follows on from this girl’s previous post and from some thoughts the comments have given her.

This girl ‘properly’ got into BDSM from around four or five years ago by which time BDSM was relatively well established online in that events were advertised and there was plenty of resource material. Her Dom however, having experience of around 20 years can compare it more easily to before it was so widely recognized and before ‘mass internet accessability’. In a way this post is hard for this girl to write as she doesnt know what it was like before what it is like now apart from what she’s been told when she sits on her Dom’s knee with his cigarette in his hand saying ‘i remember the days when’ and erm ‘kids of today’ well actually he’s not at all like that but we could make pretend its a hilarious image!)

It makes this girl wonder though (and maybe if you’re reading this and positioned to answer you can give your views) was it better before everyone could find out about it? Or was it just different?

This girl isnt questioning the fact that the internet is a good thing – there’s a lot of things that she wouldnt have learnt about or experienced if she hadnt had such a resource for learning and also for communicating. But does it make it too easy either for idiots to gain access to information or for people to find misinformation or to give people ideas that they could use in a dangerous way?

This girl will be honest in that when she first started out learning about BDSM she maybe came across a lot of information that helped form her ideas of what she thought she wanted and desired, when really it was never going to work like that for her. She thought that she wanted the 24/7 ideal for a start when really with her ‘character’ that would never be possible! Whilst there are parts of the ‘slave’ fantasy that fit with her BDSM there are other things that conflict. For BDSM or D/s for that matter to work you need to adapt it to your own personal needs and desires and share that with your partner who you are experiencing it with and build it and learn from experiences and yes learn from mistakes as well. Dont be stupid enough to think that it will be perfect the first time because it wont!

The best advice this girl can give to someone using the internet to learn about BDSM is to read as much as possible – from different sources – and dont make any definitive judgements of whats for you, or what you are, until you have had some first hand experience of it. This girl knows that all too well! There’s a difference between thinking you like the idea or notion of something and still liking it after you’ve done it. Although really with this girl now that she feels at a stage where she’s comfortable with the alternative side of herself she kind of has an inkling on whether something that is about to happen to her will work or not.

Going back to the point of the blog, as this girl mentioned above, she doesnt know what clubs and parties were like before they were advertised as openly as they are now so it is hard to compare but going to a lot of clubs up and down the country you do often see people who clearly think they know what they’re doing and pretend they know everthing when clearly they dont and that they try and represent outwardly what they ‘think’ is right, rather than a true picture of themselves.

a few examples

This girl attended a club in london once. At this club a man was flogging a girl without looking at where he was hitting (which appeared to be the kidneys!) and apparently showing more interest in looking at other ladies whilst he was playing than at his sub. This girl felt in a way sorry for the girl involved because she didnt seem upset by this at all – but then if she didnt know it was wrong – why would she? The dom didnt seem to look bad either he seemed quite pleased with how he had treated her. But to this girl it just didnt seem to represent what bdsm should be about – fun,shared, fantasy.

another example – munches – at munches in big cities particular this girl has sometimes experienced it where although its supposed to be a ‘vanilla’ event some people are still wrapped up into protocol (what the fuck lol) and will only speak to a female sub with their dom’s permission or ignore subs altogether! What happened to it just being people down the pub?

and this girl wont even get started on these D/s relationships that reflect Mills & Boon i.e. together last month, collared last week broke up yesterday lol.

Maybe before the internet people maybe knew each other better as it was accessible to fewer people – maybe there were higher standards because people wanted to make good impressions – maybe people cared more. This girl doesnt know about that. She does know though that there are a hell of a lot of good people in the BDSM scene but it seems to be that they are outnumbered by the ignorant, the rude and the fantasists (as in people who try and pretend to be something that they are not outwardly as well as in the privacy of the playroom during a scene).

The best thing to do is to read everything with an open mind and that you can only learn properly by watching others and experimenting yourself and not leaping in to something head first (unless you happen to like inverted suspension!) 🙂

3 thoughts on “The internet and BDSM & D/s

  1. It’s not that great the whole relationship between R/t people and v/t people. I started back in v/t and then went r/t. I know one Dom who ended up coming into my bdsm room. I own a room on a site. I try and keep the riff raff and well the people that are the gamers out of there. Anyhow, he procedded to tell me that if I ever went r/t that they would laugh in my face and at me. That I was nothing and that since I was v/t would be nothing. These men were highly decorated men. He put them up on a pedestal which I thought was funny.

    But, those that truelly curse v/t and yet they are r/t you’r going to have to at least tolerate them. Now I have no clue what it was like before the invention of the internet. But, I find this is kinda comman in all alternative lifestyles. Us a group is really going ot have to be more open I guess to v/t. Not everyone is a bored housewife looking to have a “quicky” and such. There are good people.

    Plus too they seem to forget that some of these groups wouldn’t have the spotlight if it weren’t for the internet and the fact that they are so easily to gain access to. But, it is a damn if do damn if don’t type of deal.

    I think there has always been fantasists or people that just go along with the crowd. It’s in everything. There is probably a human being on your street that lives near you that would say he’s a Christian and yet doesn’t really practice anything. But, he’s a Christian! Yet, he reads Di Vinci Code and that makes him lose his faith. What saying is those types always been around and really the mass core of any group shouldn’t pay any attention to them. Because, deep down they don’t know who or what they are.

    Just me thoughts though.

  2. i started out sort of virtually as well cyber sex and all that *cringe* lol and its a good way of learnin and all that but to me best bits about bdsm are them bits that hurt and also that feel nice. *sigh* perhaps i’m just a slut. Plus it makes bondage difficult when you need your hands to type 😉

  3. Oh and I think anyone that is r/t and does venture into v/t areas adn such. Would say that R/t has NOTHING on v/t. That is true. There isn’t anything like it when having a girl on her knees in front of you in submission. That is Very powerful and to have it in r/t is even more powerful.

    I think it’s kinda funny we all jump one another. Not just the Conservative Christian person says we are going to hell but really even own people in our groups. Which is what I try and advoid. And, I’m guilty I’v had my button and limits pushed before too. But some are quick on the gun sorta speak.

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