Before this girl met her Master she hadnt played fully in a while. By that she means she hadn’t received it – she hadn’t submitted to anyone, or even ‘bottomed’ (which means to receive BDSM experiences without really the mental connection being there fully). She’d wanted to, but its difficult to ask people to play with you unless you know them well it can feel really hard to build the confidence. Even when you know someone, unless its en route to becoming a relationship its still difficult to say the words ‘i want you to hurt me’.
In the months prior to meeting Master this girl had bottomed a few times in public and it had always gone wrong – either the tops had been too heavy or not really caring about it and just going through the motions for the sake of playing. Thats not right.
As sub/bottom, this girl feels it can be difficult to communicate what it is that she wants, particularly to people that she doesn’t know well. Even with people she knows and trust she sometimes find it hard to communicate. Maybe she is afraid of getting what she want (why though – no idea!) She doesnt’ know. Even now with Master it can sometimes be difficult for her to communicate how she feels about her submission and what she wants him to do to her – but she’s getting better at it.
Before this girl belonged to her Master, she switched quite a lot and topped/dommed as it was something that she was wanting to experiment with and more opportunities were available.
When you’ve got “sufficient” experience as a sub, its really not that difficult i.e. if you’ve tried several things, experimented with different toys and techniques being used on you and with different people you pick up things, or at least you learn what works on you and what doesn’t, and you can use that experience to build your technique. It helps when giving to know how the receiver feels. Obviously the same things dont work on everyone, so a lot of it is experimentation but also communication is really important especially when it comes to “limits”.
This girl thinks that the safest thing when playing with someone for the first time, or the first couple of times is to build up the play gradually and to try and *read their body language* whether they’re wriggling in pleasure or in too much pain, whether the screams are owwwww that fucking hurts stop or whether they are like the screams on a waltzer where its to go faster and harder. This girl thinks the onus is certainly on the Dom/me to have the care over the session is going. At the end of the day they are the one at the end of the implement, the issue of the pain and pleasure is totally in their hands.
This girl is not saying the sub doesnt have a responsiblity in BDSM. If somethings not right for you, you do need to say really. But what she is saying is that sometimes that can be difficult and she thinks the Dom/me has a duty of care to make sure their sub is ok as sometimes it can be very hard for a sub to be the one to communicate it. Thats how she feels about domming/topping anyway, because she knows what goes on in her head when she’s on the receiving end and she does find it difficult to communicate from that perspective.
Although this girl enjoyed switching, and hopes to enjoy it again from time to time, it got to the point that she resented giving what she wanted to receive. She feels a bit selfish for saying that.
To this girl play is like an addiction. The more she get the more she wants. This girl thinks lots of people must be like that. Its just that her masochism and desire to be played with are a strong part of her BDSM. The desire to submit is gradually getting stronger too but thats only with the development of her relationship with her Master.
For this girl, topping was sometimes strange. She supposes its like a smoker having a last fag in the packet and giving it to their friend, even though they themselves had been saving it for ages as they didn’t have money for more and then watching their friend enjoy it. The element she enjoys most of switching is giving the other person the joys of pain and of subspace rather than what she gets out of it herself. It has to make you think that if its for giving the other person what they need more than what you need are you really domming them or are you actually submitting?
BDSM has to be mutual, it has to be because its what BOTH people want and dream of. Equally. Or as near to being equally as possible. oh and this girl has weird dreams LOL. This girl just gets more from being on the receiving end than the giving end.
To this girl its really just about mutual enjoyment, chemistry, friendship and the mood being right and if all that is there, why deny what you want?
This girl hasnt seriously thought about switching for a while because she’s been getting all of her own needs met by her Master. However, sometimes she’s misses the reward of seeing the pleasure and pain in someone’s face and body and making them happy.