Grimly is pretty strong physically. He was in the Army and boxed during his time there and is strong enough that this girl can’t escape him if she tries to even if there are no restraints involved. He is firm but he is fair with it. This girl’s ex partner was physically strong too but he wasn’t very fair with it at all, and had a tendency to use his knowledge of martial arts pressure points to hurt her sometimes just because he could. Which him doing that didn’t make her want to comply it just irritated her and it wasn’t sexy.

It’s a bit of a line to draw perhaps between where a man exerting physical strength over a woman is dominant and erotic and where it is abusive and a bit too far. The thing is though, generally you just know yourself whether you’re happy or whether you’re living in fear of harm.  This girl has never once been afraid of Grimly or worried that he would push things to far.

So, the grab of a wrist or being pinned down to the bed can be sometimes  a reminder that he is stronger than her and in control of her body. The thing is though really she doesn’t really require him to be strong against her very often – occasionally as a reminder it is nice but when this girl admits to her old fashioned values it is nicer to know that she has someone that will protect her through anything like he has. Sort of like the knight on the white horse in the armour. Only, perhaps, not erm quite. She couldn’t really imagine Grimly on a horse!

In a dominant though mental strength is perhaps so much more important. This girl and Grimly have been through so much where she has needed him to be the strong one. Probably more than his fair share. Its not to say this girl is weak , just there have been times when she’s needed his support and his shoulder to cry on and there times when she’s had to be strong for him too.

This girl thinks a good dominant will help their submissive’s character develop and grow. Help them become more confident, things like that. Like any relationship both partners should help the other achieve their desires and aspirations and take their turns in being the strong one.

Perhaps what first attracted this girl to Grimly was that he came across as a strong character, assertive, confident, perhaps even a little cocky (who would believe that!) but she fell for him further when she realised she could be there for him when he needed someone to be strong for him.

Essentially telematics is an enhanced type of GPS system. It records speed, acceleration,distance, time travelled, and basically everything to do with how you drive and will record it all via satellite. Apparently the reason why this is being trialled is to give people a chance to prove how well they drive with the lure of cheap insurance premiums.

The question is – will it tell the police if you speed? Or doing something else they don’t approve of? The answer is no, unless the law requires it.

This girl does not like the idea of this. She owns two cars – a sensible diesel and a nippy MGF.  She drives the diesel pretty sedately, but the MG, come on lets be honest its a SPORTS CAR and therefore its fun to drive it (better not tell KC that it might have HGF lol) Though this girl isn’t admitting to doing anything remotely naughty in it – other than perhaps things like this. 

This girl does not want Big Brother watching how she drives. She doesn’t want Big Brother particularly watch her doing anything. Already in the UK we are far too controlled with more CCTV than probably anywhere in the world.  She wants independence and to select what she chooses to share without masses of restrictions on personal freedoms. Not suprising then that she is a fan of films like V for Vendetta and authors like J12H. The problem is any further restriction on civil liberty that comes in always comes with the implied message of ‘it’s for your own safety and wellbeing, or for good’ but is it? Sometimes this girl feels things are so controlled here that people stop thinking for themselves sometimes, do we really want to be a nation of well behaving sheep?

Obviously this girl admits to disagreeing with governmental and regulatory control over personal freedoms…and yet….wants to be controlled by one man.

At least….well….sometimes. heheh

But she wants his control of her to be ‘human’

What would it be like if he could electronically know what she was up to at any one time? For instance, the other week this girl went on a night out and stayed out later than she said she would, and drank rather a bit more than she said she would lol. How would she have felt if she knew that Grimly knew exactly where she was , who she was with and what she was consuming (ok perhaps the evilness that is Facebook could control some of that) but no what it would be like if he could really know what she was doing at any point?

Worse, what if he could remotely punish her for any indiscretions or misbehaviours? Grimly does own some remote control electro-torture devices but what if it went further, more involved?

To a certain extent having everything she does, or thinks about doing, totally controlled is a turn on and also has been the subject of some erotic fiction in the past. However, in reality, it freaks her out a little.

The thing is, if this girl felt as though everything she did was controlled, then perhaps she would think about not doing certain things, therefore thoughts would be controlled as well as actions. Ok so Grimly does control her thoughts a bit, well a lot, since of course she wants to do things that make him happy. But if there was a consequence to EVERY action wouldn’t it get a bit strange?

This girl wants at least the chance of being able to get away with being a little naughty. Part of the fun is getting caught by human methods, by his devious mind catching her out, or by her being stupid enough to confess it either because she decides its sensible to do so or because he tortures it out of her. Torture for information wouldn’t be required at all if everything was already known. What sort of world would that be LOL

So far 2012 has been uninteresting kink wise  This girl spent Christmas with family and the New Year with very good friends and had three weeks with Grimly – whose birthday it is today!  She had a fantastic festive period just not a kinky one. 

This girl and Grimly haven’t yet had chance to play this year but he has been doing  a lot of work preparing the workshop he will have here so watch this space – he has so much more room to make equipment here than he does currently in his little shed!*  It will be good when he has the ability to make equipment here where this girl can take photographs of the process and hopefully share some handy tips with you.

Anyway, despite nothing much happening so far this year this girl still has plenty to share with you from last year and the honeymoon. So much happened and there have been so much non kink related distractions since this girl has a little backlog of writing to do! She has already mentioned she and Grimly visited San Francisco with JG Leathers and attended the Folsom Street fair (pictures a few posts back) but in addition to that she also had a guerrilla photo shoot with JG and Serious Bondage / Serious Images. Some of the pictures are below,and are part of a full set posted up a few weeks ago on the Serious Images website (a paysite but worth a subscription as there are plenty of hot pictures on there to see)

These pictures were taken at ‘twin peaks’ in San Francisco in front of several nosy sightseers. Well um they definitely saw the sights!

This girl felt really self conscious because although both herself and JG Leathers were fully dressed it was pretty obvious it was a bit unusual wear for such a hot day! Some of the tourists did ask  what JG and this girl were dressed up for and were given the excuse that it  some background shooting work for a movie and for a magazine. Given Mark from Serious Bondage had the sound boom and the video camera that explanation seemed to stick! Anyway,the tourists seemed interested enough to take pictures  and it seemed the unusual addition to the viewpoint attracted several of the passengers on the tour buses!

In any event this girl was still pretty self-conscious at the whole thing. However not so much as if it had been in the UK. It seems San Francisco has a much more laid back attitude to kink and alternative sexualities especially when it is around Folsom Street Weekend which is so heavily advertised that all the locals know exactly what it is and that there may be people around who look ‘unusual’  However pretty much what happened at the viewpoint was what JG calls S&M stand and model lol. It’s a different matter subjecting to locals to heavy play, nudity or sex – lines this girl would never cross. Dressing up in what can be explained as fashion and/or fantasy was enough. It seems to be getting the case now that movies and so on include latex outfits, but goodness knows what the tourists thought to ‘the creature’ harness and JG’s hoof boots!

It’s perhaps slightly hard to explain but this girl is most definitely a shy exhibitionist. She got a kick of being there with JG and dressed in latex with such a remarkable view in the background,but the curious onlookers did freak her out a little. None of them seemed bothered or upset and perhaps that is why she felt a little bit freaked out!

This girl is the type of person who worries about what people think. Often too much to the point where she over analysing things like thinking ‘well if i write about being in latex in public in front of tourists will people judge that negatively’. Well the thing is, it was fun, no one appeared to be outraged (or not that they said) and everything considered the pictures turned out pretty hot (well in this girl’s opinion lol)

But this girl does worry about what people’s view of her is. The thing is though of course there is not a thing she can do about that. She is what she is and people will think what they think and will either accept that or they won’t and this is true whether it be for what she does in a fetish sense or at work or whatever.

Anyhow, this is where you come in, your points of view are important to this girl. When she began the blog she never expected anyone to read it apart from Grimly. He will always be the person she primarily writes it for but having others read gives a nice feeling of recognition and has also led to this girl meeting people and making new friends in some cases very good friends like a few certain ladies

For the next few months this girl may well be limited with writing time (and possibly limited on opportunities for research ) given so much is happening with Grimly’s move and work stuff so here is your chance to say what you would like to see this year or read about? Would you like more fiction for instance? Or do you have any questions on anything you’ve seen here or that you would like this girl’s opinion on?

Ideas and feedback and other opinions are welcome at any time, but now given it’s a new year is a chance to share your ideas

Anyway, that’s all for now , all that remains to be said for the moment is Happy Birthday Grimly!

* A good friend said on one of the wedding cards that ‘the secret of a happy marriage is that it remains a secret’. However Grimly has said that the secret to a happy marriage is for the husband to have a shed.

However, he did not quantify this statement with any explanation as to whether he meant a shed should be a refuge for a man to escape to with a cup of coffee and a paper,whether he meant a shed should be a place for a man to sleep in when he annoys his wife by being naughty or whether he meant where  a man should spend time creating restraints and tortures to keep his wife under control.

Oh well that will perhaps still need to remain a secret

JANUARY

This girl started the year reading too much into things (a frequent habit!)

“This girl feels bad though that maybe people come here expecting to read about some insane kinky life. Honestly it’s not the case. There are splashes here and there , well in fact, let’s face it , great big fucking dives into madness, but that just can’t be maintained all the time”

Grimly made himself a birthday-cake stand which had a built-in fuck machine and also caused electric shocks if the table was upset!

FEBRUARY

“This girl probably writes about  keeping the balance between bdsm and a normal life too much, but for possibly good or bad it’s something that she has to jiggle this year even more so than before given the wedding plans, and, maybe its important to show that doing bdsm all the time just isn’t realistic unless you really do not have very many work or family responsibilities.”

Maintaining the balance between kink and normality was incredibly difficult this year with everything going on from dress fittings and planning church order of services, but somehow or other it was managed!

This girl also wrote about wedding plans fitting round submission for the resource site Submissive Guide.

MARCH

Traditionally question and answer month :-

The questions were :

What is the impact of e-stim pads on you when in bondage? I can see a little appeal in having some muscles involuntarily being made to twitch, but is there more to it than that?

”Since you brought up the electric play and interrogation, I don’t think I’ve seen you write about creating a situation where you had information that Grimly wanted. I guess something like hiding the hat of his you loathe, and having him torture it’s location might be the kind of “battle of wills” you might engage in”

My Master and I have had to move a couple of times, so our collection of play toys has been depleted severely. I was wondering what you consider the essentials for a good scene and where to find good quality for a good price?

Hi, i understood you,re into medical, although it may not be too related, but i was wondering if you ever had an experience with diapers? I would also like to here what you think about the general idea of bdsm & diapers.

i read about the inspiring idea of the video goggles where you can also watch yourself in real-time, did you get to try it (watching yourself) and how was it?

Now that you have been with Grimly for some time, and he is so good at coming up with ways to restrain you, do you still struggle with the restraints trying to get free, or do you know from experience that it is not possible so you don’t try? How about when pain is applied? Do you ever panic and really test the restraints?

how has you pain tolerance been affected sense you began BDSM? Also when you first met grimly, if he were to put you through a session like the ones you can stand now, how much would your pain and pleasure be different than now? 

Have you ever done any predicament bondage with ballet boots? Like walking on a treadmill with your arms in a single glove? 

This girl had some puppy play ……

and also met fellow blogger trinity pup and her dom Single Glove for the first time and also met up with friends Geetwo and Maxi again.

and the month finished with an interview with a sadist!

APRIL

Ollie chucked in a last-minute question - A lot of what you and Grimly do seems to have a vibe very similar to what they’re doing over at the House of Gord. Is Gord one of your sources of inspiration? What’s your opinion of H.o.G.?

This girl had some fun with her MGF (which is now off the road for the winter  )

and made a new friend – Ceri.

MAY

This girl wrote about long distance relationships for Submissive Guide.

and she wrote about the fun she had with Alternative Mindsets, Geetwo and Maxi, Grimly, Ceri and Captive Kink at the pony fields in Wales.

This girl also had some fun experimenting with contact lenses and started burlesque classes which ran on for six weeks and were a great deal of fun!

JUNE

Wedding plans picked up some speed, and Grimly met this girl’s bridesmaid for the first time.

“Yep. It’s been once hell of a stressful 7 days! From bad news at work, to family stress right down to stupid little niggily things, but it was a very good weekend!”

Therefore it was actually very good to have a bit of breathing space after the rushing around and planning :

This girl’s blog was 5!

JULY

Canada was very much in Grimly and this girl’s minds in 2011 since back in July they were in the process of planning their honeymoon there! So July started with wishing Canadian readers a happy Canada day.

“Just a quick one to wish all you Canadians out there a happy Canada Day! Especially to Mr & Mrs JG Leathers, STEFFY , Padme & Annakin and all the other canadian folks this girl and Grimly met on their last trip “

This girl also wrote a short story – TOM:boy and tried out some evil nipple magnets.

AUGUST

This girl wrote about brain conditioning again -

“That’s why the brainwashing idea works well as a fantasy because whilst she knows she is actually submissive deep down it helps to think it has been brainwashing into her against her will as though she has been powerless to stop it, and for a part of it, she has.”

Also in August she visited with Trinity Pup at Captive Kink’s. Take a look at the August and September archives for some great pictures!

SEPTEMBER

On the 10th of September this girl and Grimly got married and also hand-fasted whilst on honeymoon in Canada on the 17th.

“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love”

As part of the Honeymoon this girl got to try the Creature again, visit Serious Bondage in San Francisco during Folsom Street weekend, visit Whistler and also visit with Rubbert and LadyM on Vancouver Island. So much happened she hasn’t had time to write about it all yet!

OCTOBER

This girl tried to make a start on writing up her honeymoon adventures – difficult as they were so action packed!

“Well the honeymoon is over and this girl has been delivered back to reality with a bump. Thank you to everyone who helped make it so special and also to those who have left words of support and encouragement from afar.”

Grimly and this girl also went to a very fun halloween party in Whitby, home of Bram Stoker.

NOVEMBER

This girl wrote up about her adventures at Folsom Street :-

“Back in September whilst they were on honeymoon this girl and Grimly went to the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco and were lucky enough to spend a few days either side with the lovely people at Serious Bondage.”

and also about her revenge on JG Leathers  as well as her own go in the Creature.

During November this girl and Grimly went to an indoor pony event in the midlands with Trinity Pup and Single-glove and Geetwo and Maxi along with other friends. Great fun!

DECEMBER

“Ok, so this girl is a *little* bit behind with her blog! It just seems lately life is really busy and she does not have as much time to be behind the computer as she once had. Unsure if that’s good or bad? Anyway, this girl had not got around to posting these pictures of one of the shoots Captive Kink did with her and Trinity Pup. It seemed a good time to post these given this girl saw Pup again last week lol.”

All in all 2011 was a pretty good year since it was the year this girl and Grimly got married and had the most amazing honeymoon:)

2012 will be perhaps a little strange as there are many adjustments on the way and Grimly will be moving here in March which will be slightly strange. He has already started remodelling the garage and improving things here and so will have a far better workshop than he had before to make devious creations!

Though it’s all slightly scary and unknown!

HOPE YOU ALL HAVE HAD A FANTASTIC NEW YEAR, HAPPY 2012!

Merry Christmas to all you readers, friends who we have met and hold in our hearts, and those who we are perhaps still to meet and share adventures with

Love Mr & Mrs Feendish

* sorry for the lack of updates recently – this girl’s trusty mac has died and so computer access has been a bit limited! Hopefully soon to be rectified!

Please leave any comments referring to this entry on Submissive Guide

However, over recent weeks there has perhaps been less talk of it than what is normal. Things have been a little strange since the wedding, being over the high and now at a sort of low just sort of waiting for the impending move and the plans and the chaos all that will cause. Sometimes there are just other things to talk about. Work, family, furniture oh yes and bloody IKEA. All these things get in the way of BDSM when you are still ultimately a normal married couple. Well perhaps not normal, but ish. Sorry if this is getting to be a repetitive tale of woe!

This girl could talk to Grimly about anything though having been at times literally hypnotized by his voice. Thats not to say she’s hypnotized day-to-day like in ASDA or anything, far from it, but that she is always happy to listen to him and talk to him. Six or so phone calls a day is average here and always has been and it’s unusual for this girl and Grimly to sit in silence in each other’s company unless it’s when sat watching the TV and falling asleep in front of it as people do when they are comfortable with each other.

But, this girl is not always comfortable with him. Sometimes she is very uncomfortable with him because he has so designed that due to the restriction of bondage or the infliction of pain! Whilst recently not many words had been spoken of bdsm or slavery or any other topic such as that. So just when this girl was beginning to wonder if she had lost the head space of it a little he dragged her mind back to it reminding her that he was her Master before her husband, and this girl is ashamed to say that reminder was needed and equally ashamed to say it was rather erotically welcomed.

So sometimes  having a conversation with harsh punctuation helps. Certainly being bound and gagged whilst weights are dangled of various sensitive areas makes this girl listen to everything Grimly has to say, especially as she lingers waiting for him to say the word that turns the pain temporarily into pleasure and orgasm. What he did to her at the weekend was not technical or electronic or hi-tec just simple, neat pain, enough to ensure she would listen and take notice, and well, she did. Whilst he tortured her he said both things that made her feel bad and guilty and ashamed and that also made her feel good and invigorated.

In part it makes this girl feel slightly shameful that sometimes she needs harsh words and simple pain to realign things to how they should be, but that well is a part of who she is. Sometimes she still wishes to rebel against many of the concepts that are core to her kink/fetish – the ideas of consensual slavery,ownership,masochism,submission and most of all obedience. She wants to protest and fight back and say to him sometimes that it isn’t her that its a mistake that she is strong willed and independant and not desiring any of these things. But that is far from true and her body would betray words to that effect. Being owned, being controlled and yes even being obedient makes her feel aroused and excited, and ultimately quite content and happy primarily because all of those things are at his hands. This girl can never lie to him since whilst she might be able to speak the words her body language would catch her out every time.

This girl cannot say why that despite having perhaps one of the most talented, cunning and enterprising doms she needs to challenge him and bait him into wanting to reconquer her.

Oh well perhaps that’s why

Perhaps it is an unusual game to play and one that will change and develop over time, well it shall be fun to see how it all plays out.

The pictures show this girl in a leather hobble skirt and evil killer heels whilst pup is wearing a darlexx hobble dress. This girl plans on investing in some darlexx sometime soon as it is a very fun and versatile fabric and a lot of the designs available are rather nice  Both this girl and pup were in yokes and therefore touch and movement was very limited! Gee thanks Rich (!)

Maybe some people think BDSM and bondage should always be about the pain. That is really not the case. Whilst this girl is very much a ‘sensation seeker’ it is not the only thrill out there. Sometimes frustration and anticipation can do as much to a masochist  (or a sadist for that matter) as the actual feel of (or inflicting of) the pain itself. If the build up is just right. An easy example to illustrate this is the chastity belt.

The chastity belt is obviously designed to prevent stimulation and penetration and fulfills that objective completely. However, being in chastity, lying next to Grimly just makes this girl hornier, and the longer he resists unlocking it the hornier she gets usually right through the night and until the next morning, and then, when he finally does do something about her frustration it is a pretty mind-blowing effect given that emotional and physical build up towards it. Perhaps a bit like a roller-coaster ride of emotions and senses.

Anyway, just being in bondage can have pretty much the same effect by doing enough to the imagination and senses to keep both the brain and the body wondering about all the possibilities of what might happen next. Many types of bondage devices such as the yokes pictured also do just enough to slowly cause torment as the limbs begin to tire from the restriction.

This girl doesn’t get that many opportunities to suffer this type of frustration at the same time as someone else. Especially someone else who adds to the torment by looking sexy and tempting, and yet just out of reach.

The pony aspect of the event was in a lot of ways similar to the event this girl and Grimly had been to a couple of years ago in Lancashire and attracted quite a few people who had been present at that – so it was good to catch up with them again. When this girl first discovered pony play she had found some of the groups and events to be quite exclusive and hard to find out about, but that does not seem to be the case anymore. Perhaps it is becoming more popular as a fetish, or perhaps the venues available are just better, but the UK pony scene seems to now be much improved with great potential , so hopefully that will continue. Certainly if you are in the UK there are now plenty of links and information about events in the midlands, Wales and also in Kent on Informed Consent.

This girl doesn’t have any pictures of the actual pony play to show as such, since cameras were only allowed in one specific room but the pictures will give you an idea and a tease

This girl wore the riding mistress outfit partly because she’s done pony play (as a pony) quite a bit  recently but mainly because Trinity Pup was there. Pup hadn’t done ponyplay before so it was fun putting her into a harness and all the equipment for the first time It is true what they say about how sometimes a certain outfit can totally change your character and role! However, after seeing some of the other outfits there this girl would really like a Victorian riding mistress outfit, perhaps along the lines of Lilian Hunt’s folsom outfit. Perhaps she would feel more dominant then and less like a schoolgirl at a saturday morning riding lesson lol.  Anyway, she did her best. This girl had some very good lessons on pony play whilst on holiday (pictures to follow in another post soon) with the beautiful LadyM but it was difficult to remember everything when having to explain it to someone else! Oh well….will just need to go back to Canada for a refresher

Trinity was a very well-behaved pony though despite being slightly headstrong and mischevious…sound like anyone else? Though she looked absolutely beautiful as a pony girl.

Unfortunately, this girl attracted the attentions of a pony boy who was intent on getting her to sit in his cart for the races. He was so fast running round the warehouse this girl was afraid for her life! She could see herself getting smacked into the wall! However it was actually quite a lot of fun, though for his mad running he only came second missing out by a fragment of a second.

Funnily enough Trinity seemed to have something else on her mind and wasn’t into the racing….can’t think what that would be All in all it was a fantastic event and something this girl would go to again. A second warehouse was set up for single tails and whips, perhaps this girl should have volunteered her pony as a whipping girl..perhaps next time!

Well anyhow the pictures and your imagination can fill in the rest

This girl cannot complain in that aside from pots of money and a bigger house she has got pretty much everything she wished for this year. The dream wedding (well two of!) and the most superb honeymoon shared with plenty of deviant friends and amazing sights and scenery. However, now reality is beginning to kick in!

Whilst weddings and honeymoons are very real and very exciting at the time they are over way too quick. Work is the reality, to be honest it feels like there was never a break from it! Sometimes this girl envies people whose work is kink related – models and such that can make a career from it. Whilst this girl has done odd bits of modelling here and there she has never pursued it as a career and nor would she want to. This girl likes having a fixed income and knowing that the mortgage will be paid each month, there is too much uncertainty in relying on fetish for a regular income, because people do change their tastes, and gosh, looks go.

It doesn’t stop her being jealous of that kind of lifestyle though! However, this girl likes her security and creature comforts Change scares her half to death!

Big changes are coming up when Grimly moves here, giving up his job and his home to take a risk of finding something nearby. It’s a scary prospect for him, and this girl feels guilty that her insecurities wouldnt’ have allowed her to do the same. She had moved for a man before and took a risk leaving a job that had more prospects than her current one, and it had fucked everything up, she just isn’t ready for doing that again despite loving Grimly, despite knowing that he would never let her down.

So he’s coming here and that is that. Ultimately it will be better, it will be easier for going places, meeting people, family, everything. Oh apart from anything else its normal right to live with your husband? It’s just the adjustment of going from living alone to living with him, with leather and tools all over the house and kink. At the moment all that is separate this girl’s house is pretty normal, his is a little pocket of kink, it’s sort of going there is escapism in itself. Will it be the same just sort of having it upstairs?

Really living alone the only benefit is being able to choose what to do with the space and that benefit is not as strong compared to his companionship and his being here. The adjustment is actually a minor inconvenience, it just feels bigger sometimes because at the back of her mind this girl feels guilty that he is giving up so much because he loves her and wants to be here.

Some people say submission is the biggest gift, this girl does not think that is true. Sure whilst he has her submission and the ability to do what he wants to her body and mind what he has given her is worth so much more. Those things aren’t worth half so much as love and going the extra mile to be together, or worth as much as wanting to make each other feel special and happy.  Love and happiness come at a cost, that of change, compromise and sharing what’s good and bad. Nobody ever said it was easy.

It will be interesting however to share that journey. Some people seem to think a marriage like this will involve bondage and latex and fetish every day. That is not the case nor would this girl want it to be. There are so many other things she wants to do with her life and not all of those are kink related. She wants her bdsm to always be fresh and exciting something to look forward to here and there ,and not a chore or an annoyance.

Having him here will perhaps make kink more regular, make it harder to get away with things, and will alter her life , but it will be an exciting adventure.

It’s just fucking scary!

This girl is not for a minute doubting whether her marrying him was a good idea. It was the best idea she ever could have had.  She is just doubting whether him marrying her was a good idea for him! She is so scared of letting him down after asking him to give up so much.