Before the creature

4000 miles is a long way to go. For anything or anyone. But, then it sort of depends on whats at the end of the journey and how badly you want it as to whether the miles are worth it all. At the end of this girl’s recent journey….was this….this creature….

This girl had the creature at the back of her mind for a very long time, filed away in that section of ‘things to be curious about’. Ever since Grimly first showed her pictures of it, and that was a couple of years ago. She never thought then she would get a go in it, never mind two Then, after the tickets were booked it was six months of anxiety and excitement.

Never mind how she felt being in the same room as it. The picture shown above is how it looks when not in use. It shouldn’t be threatening in that condition. Not when its inanimate and not doing anything. But it sort of is. It has that presence, but then it is strung together in a way that makes you wonder what would happen if *you* were in it. Also, this girl couldn’t help wondering what if it comes alive at the witching hour, but then the witching hour stopped holding any fears for this girl a long time ago – because sleeping with a Grimly helped her learn that the worse things that can happen from nightmares in the small hours is that she talks about them in her sleep and then gives him ideas. So, really toys coming alive in the middle of the night are the least of her worries when she has that to contend with.

Anyway, the day came when this girl thought she was going to try it. EEk.

That morning, JG took Grimly shopping. Boy shopping for tools and DIY supplies and that sort of thing. Pervertible DIY stuff that is, is there any other sort?

So whilst they were out, this girl got ready and also incredibly nervous and worked up about it, and the heat didn’t help either.

With hindsight there was absolutely nothing to be worked up about, because its really a combination of kinks this girl is used to…just all put together…at once…to assault the body and the senses. Bondage, latex vacuum, electrics, suspension, breath play – there is nothing scary about combining all of that now is there??

Well anyway, this girl got herself pretty worked up about it, and really over nothing since as it was other stuff happened that day instead actually of the creature and it ended up being a very fun afternoon.

The problem kind of was this girl put a lot of pressure on herself by thinking too much about what other people expected of her, people who read here, other kinksters, JG, Grimly especially. Because she had it at the back of her mind that people would expect her to be amazing at this thing, since its comprised of elements of things she’s used to and does on a regular basis. She put way too much pressure on herself.

The easiest way to explain how she ended up feeling that morning is to equate it to a pre-exam sort of feeling. That sort of sickly feeling you get when you know its that moment where you are going to make a mess of things or excel and fly. The fact that this girl never had any actual problems with exams should have made her realise she didn’t actually have any problems with the creature either, but, sometimes irrationality sets in.

It’s perhaps not that unusual to end up being nervous before play for some people.  Though for this girl that whole feeling was kind of weird because its a long time since she felt apprehensive about playing  because she normally plays in her own environment with her own dom with equipment and toys that have familiarity. So being in an alien environment was something else. Not that JG’s an alien – although, if he is , Grimly is most likely from the same planet – they had so much in common!

So, she got the jitters quite a bit, and the more jittery she got the more confused she got. To the point where she began to wonder, just for a bit, whether she wanted it. Any BDSM. Being confronted suddenly, by the fact that something she had wanted for a long time was going to happen she got quite scared of it and started thinking vanilla thoughts. Like..’what the fuck am i doing here’. ‘why do i want to have this done to me’ at least that was the jist of it.  This girl feels a bit daft trying to explain it now, because it all sounds so dumb and irrational but that is how nervous and anxious of it she actually got – and all self inflicted.

When Grimly and JG returned this girl didn’t mention any of that to them at the time (though she did talk to Grimly later), because she didn’t want to freak them out or cause any sort of disappointment or ruin things so she just kept quiet. Perhaps not the best thing to do, but then, as she relaxed into it everything turned out fine and is it worked out this girl did end up going through with it and doing lots more stuff besides for what she is extremely grateful for being able to experience.

It was just one of those mornings. Where, confronted with that ultimate fantasy this girl got really confused and muddled up. Some wiser person might say that she should have been careful what she wished for because those wishes certainly ended up coming true!

However, sometimes thats the thing with BDSM, it can be a bit edgy, a bit on the dark side , cause a bit of fear and adrenaline rush….and that’s all part and parcel of it. Ultimately, this girl knew that it was what she wanted – she just needed to be gently reminded by that by two exceptionally kinky gentleman who gave her a fantastic experience to remember! This girl has absolutely no regrets about anything that happened, it was amazing. The only regrets she had were that she had a couple of moments of being a confused idiot!

But then, don’t we all have those?