This girl has always found it difficult to perform under pressure. Like you know, giving presentations, speeches, even going back to simple stuff like doing talks about the family pet at school. God, she still has nightmares about that sometimes! She hates it when people ask things like ‘what are you thinking’, ‘tell me about you’ and also stuff that requires very specific thoughts like being asked to talk dirty. The mind suddenly goes blank and the only thoughts that do come out sound soooo wrong or just plain dull.
Talking dirty is just hard. You would think this girl might find it easy given the time and energy she spends writing about BDSM, but she doesn’t. Writing about BDSM is so much easier than talking about it, because at least when you’re writing you have a bit more time for the thoughts to form into something coherent that might make sense to someone, and also the screen gives that little anonymity and hides what might sometimes come across as extreme acute shyness!
This girl is very shy, which is an odd thing for also being an exhibitionist. Its as though when she’s in the right zone she can ‘do her thing’ and shine a bit, but then, if she’s not quite in that zone she struggles unless she knows the people around her reasonably well to express herself effectively.
Oh yeah, this girl is a fucking social misfit! 
There are times , of course, when she has no problem with that, but then there are other times when she wishes she had more confidence to get over some of the issues her shyness gives her. Though, saying that, she is a lot more confident now than before she met Grimly.
To begin with, she wasn’t always the best at communicating with him even. At least not when it came to expressing and articulating things to do with BDSM, which is why she started the blog really, to get more comfortable with thinking about things she didn’t at first want to admit and to sort of try and put her thoughts together a bit more coherently. This girl can now talk to her Master about anything to do with BDSM, with her submission, with masochism, and of course with everything day to day as well. She knows that there is nothing to be scared of in telling him what’s on her mind. Sure, there are some things that are dangerous to tell him. Giving intimate knowledge about yourself to a man who will remember every little detail is full of peril and yet, it is quite interesting to watch how he might use or work on certain pieces of information. Besides, this girl knows no real harm will ever come to her. Will it? lol.
Anyway, despite all that she still can’t talk dirty to him.
It’s difficult to be a verbal slut waxing lyrical about cock when it just doesn’t fit with how she sees her role. Yeah. There are times when she feels like his slut. However, most of those times are occupied with being it rather than talking about it. If this girl sort of says slutty things they normally come out wrong and sound really cheesy and cringe-worthy. Grimly, is not actually much better at it either. He definitely cannot do the ‘get down and suck my cock bitch’ line without laughter ensuing. And you know, thats not necessarily a bad thing.
This girl doesn’t want her BDSM to feel like some cheap sex game. Its so much more than that. Of course, she’s not saying that talking dirty is a bad thing, sometimes it can of course add something to play or to sex. But, for Grimly and this girl, the sort of lines that might appear in mainstream erotica dont often work with their bdsm.
But then, there are things that he says and whispers during sex that do work.
This girl is very addicted to Grimly’s voice. Well, addicted to everything really, but his voice especially. Gosh she couldn’t have a dom that had an irritating accent or sounded too feminine. As she’s mentioned before there are words that he says that can make her orgasm, and other words that can make her stomach cramp in pain. Brainwashing, conditioning call it what you will but he has put loads of these little control buttons in her head over the time he has been with her. It’s a handy thing really given the distance sometimes. Although, today this girl heard a noise on his phone that sounded very much like a click of the fingers (which also makes her orgasm) and so orgasmed, when actually what it was turned out to be a flick of the lighter. It made this girl feel really silly!
But yeah, she is addicted to his voice.
When he is in full ‘Grimly mode’ as in playful, sexual, dominant and sadistic, his voice sounds different to how it does the rest of the time. No one else would maybe notice that in him, but this girl does.
The easiest way to describe it is probably more guttural, lower, sort of animal even – a sort of voice that says ‘i’m going to devour you’, and saying that possibly doesn’t quite make it sound as it really does, but maybe it will give you a bit of an idea. Thats the voice that turns her on – and he really could be saying anything and she would be aroused anyway. Although, this girl finds it very hard *not* to be aroused near him anyway!
Sometimes during sex and during sessions he will whisper things in her ear , or say things to her and tell her things about his devious plans. The sort of things he says are things that play on her imagination of what might happen, play on her anxiety, on her fantasy.
The other weekend there Grimly was telling her all sorts of things whilst fucking her and this girl became very spacy indeed, which is always bound to happen whenever he taps into her imagination. She didn’t have to ask him to talk dirty, it wasn’t dirty, he just said it and it was what she wanted to hear.
