Phobias and fetishes

Picture – spider gag

A phobia is – a persistent, irrational fear of a specific object, activity, or situation that leads to a compelling desire to avoid it.

A fetish is – excessive or irrational devotion to some activity, a form of sexual desire in which gratification depends to an abnormal degree on some object or item of clothing or part of the body.

Basically, they are opposites of one another in many respects. One being an irrational fear, the other being an irrational desire, and sometimes , with the right encouragement, one can quite easily turn into the other. There were things this girl once had irrational reasons for not wanting to try, that she was afraid of or wary of, or really was she just afraid of admitting that these weird things turned her on??

There are things this girl does now, that a few years ago would have been fears, or limits, but that with his encouragement have been overcome.

Things like hoods, latex, anything that was ‘too restrictive’ and nipple play, for a while, were the main ones. Sure, looking back now it sounds stupid and unlikely, but it was.

The nipple one is probably the easiest to explain. This girl’s ex had a desire for her to get her nipples pierced. So she got it done. Twice. Both times her body rejected it, leaving her a little scarred, not too badly but enough that it reminds her of the experience visually. After you have piercings, you have to leave them time to heal, and this girl allowed sack loads of time before she allowed anyone to come near them, to the point where it became a fear of them being touched, and the idea that touching them would lead to pleasure seemed so so unlikely. But then, she had a session with someone, a woman. It was really sensual, and really lovely, until she put nipple clamps on. This girl felt faint, and woozy and sick. It nearly ruined the scene, though a few cuddles and kisses restored that. To this day, this girl wonders when she gets that kind of sensation (and she still does sometimes though its rare) whether its because of something in her mind or whether it is a bodily reaction. It can’t really be a physical reaction though because this is YEARS ago now.

Grimly was patient with it, he realised straight away that this girl had a problem with that type of play, and so introduced it slowly, and normally after getting right into things and so it got to the point where it was tolerable, and then , eventually, pleasurable again.

Other fears, fears of extreme bondage, of masks, of hoods…they were ridiculous really and possibly related to a fear of being trapped, of being taken advantage of, of abuse and of admitting to a dark and strange kink. Again, it was overcome, with patience and demonstration that really there is nothing to be afraid of.

Maybe these aren’t *real* phobias in the sense that a fear of spiders or a fear of open spaces might be. There are some phobias that are routed much more deeply and cannot be overcome, and although seem ridiculous to anyone else are huge issues for the person involved. Though, then again, if he hadn’t taken her concerns seriously (even if they weren’t) and helped her through them, they could have spiralled into something that she might not have got her head around. This girl thinks it is really important that a Dom listens to any concerns his sub might have, and try and dispel them, whether it take one conversation, or patience over a period of time. Before anyone thinks that its possible to always overcome a submissives fear or objection to a certain type of play, it isn’t. Some nos might always be nos, some might be maybes it just needs to be worked around depending on the couple involved.

There isn’t really anything that Grimly would now want to do that she is afraid of trying. There are things that she doesnt like the thought of, such as needles, but he doesn’t either. But then, you know, its just not possible to be into ‘everything’ and this girl isn’t. Lots yes, but not every single possibliity.

There are things that she thought she would never do though, that she has done. Things that she was afraid of that have become the most erotic, incredible sensations. Like having her breath controlled, like completely feeling as though her life is in his hands, and quite often it is. She wouldn’t feel comfortable with that if she did not completely trust him and his expertise.

Thats basically how phobias are overcome, by someone explaining to you and demonstrating to you in a patient manner, that your fear is unfounded and helping you in whatever method might be necessary to vanquish it.

There are still times when this girl feels fear. Of course there are. Times when nightmares and dreams and fantasies all seem sort of muddled and adrenaline pumps around the body to deal with that.

Back on the theme of arachnophobia, as being one of the most well known phobias, this girl doesn’t like spiders. Not to the point where she will jump on furniture to avoid them, but enough that if she sees one she will feel uncomfortable until its dead or out of the window. She doesnt like killing them, because she was always told the stupid riddle of ‘if you want to live and thrive let a spider run alive’ (is this an english thing?) She doesn’t like the spider gag either, though she’s not afraid of it.

It sets her teeth on edge, it makes her drool and makes her feel completely helpless. Its one thing being bound and tortured and the subject of a madman with intentions of doing bizarre and crazy things to your body but another entirely to feel that you can’t speak up against it.

Really deep down, she knows she can’t speak up against it because whatever he wants to do will happen anyway. And yes, she knows that comes with the thought at the back of her mind that really he is never going to do anything too crazy and that he knows her body, but when she’s strapped down and at his mercy she doesnt think that rationally she just thinks of that moment.

There is nothing to be afraid of, and yet quite often she’ll still be on edge, and if she wasn’t it would be dull. So, when she’s gagged, she feels even more helpless and vulnerable, and often slightly humiliated too.

He gets off on her fear. He seems to be extremely aroused by any sign of panic or distress. He would answer that critique with the proclamation ‘I’m a sadist what do you expect?’ and so he is. He gets off on the drool too, he gets off on seeing it dribble onto her body and seeing that she can’t do anything about that. Do sadists feed on fear and anxiety? It feels that way sometimes!

Her fear, her distress becomes his fantasy.

And also, despite the muffled screams, despite the drooling, despite the looks of panic….its also hers.